December 26, 2005


happiness. i have secret little habits that are born of my own joy. good food makes do a seated little happy bouncing wiggle. when i'm reading in bed, all warm and content, i mutter in my own language of contentment "uh-duh-vuh" as i shift around. and while gazing at my so pretty tiny new digital camera, i coo and whisper dotingly. because it is the prettiest little camera ever, with the small and the shiny. and looking at my little christmas tree, a bedecked, besparkled palm, i just giggle. because 'tis the season to be jolly (falalalala). of course, for my entire life, mom has been singing, "'tis the season to be marrrrried, falalalala-lala-la-la." it was a good christmas. apart from the party incident. tried to convice mom and dad to leave the house tomorrow so i could have some friends by for drinking and fun. mom thought it was a great idea, dad took great exception at the suggestion that he would have to leave his home. he's like a dog pissing on stumps to mark his territory.i can't decide now whether i should still try to throw a aprty with my friends here or no. it would be vaguely weird, but at the same time horribly disruptive and spiteful. buahaha. wait, i mean "ho ho ho." also, i discovered i have pent-up rage from the hurtful words spoken over the tattoo incident. mm, the holidays are the perfect time to explore sublimated family resentment, ne pas? ooh! like resent ment over 2 years ago when dad made me cry by berating me for buying him too many presents (which i had put a lot of thought and effort into getting him). mostly, though, christmas this year has been good. i'm not so completely disfuntionally broken than i can't enjoy it with my family, it's just the last 3 hours of christmas that i'm too dysfunctional to enjoy. tomorrow mumsey takes me to get a memory card for my lovely new cam, which i might name hrothgar, to go with my laptop, which has been dubbed beowulf, and little flash card, grendel.and now what can be said after that, but merry holiday to you!


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