December 26, 2005


happiness. i have secret little habits that are born of my own joy. good food makes do a seated little happy bouncing wiggle. when i'm reading in bed, all warm and content, i mutter in my own language of contentment "uh-duh-vuh" as i shift around. and while gazing at my so pretty tiny new digital camera, i coo and whisper dotingly. because it is the prettiest little camera ever, with the small and the shiny. and looking at my little christmas tree, a bedecked, besparkled palm, i just giggle. because 'tis the season to be jolly (falalalala). of course, for my entire life, mom has been singing, "'tis the season to be marrrrried, falalalala-lala-la-la." it was a good christmas. apart from the party incident. tried to convice mom and dad to leave the house tomorrow so i could have some friends by for drinking and fun. mom thought it was a great idea, dad took great exception at the suggestion that he would have to leave his home. he's like a dog pissing on stumps to mark his territory.i can't decide now whether i should still try to throw a aprty with my friends here or no. it would be vaguely weird, but at the same time horribly disruptive and spiteful. buahaha. wait, i mean "ho ho ho." also, i discovered i have pent-up rage from the hurtful words spoken over the tattoo incident. mm, the holidays are the perfect time to explore sublimated family resentment, ne pas? ooh! like resent ment over 2 years ago when dad made me cry by berating me for buying him too many presents (which i had put a lot of thought and effort into getting him). mostly, though, christmas this year has been good. i'm not so completely disfuntionally broken than i can't enjoy it with my family, it's just the last 3 hours of christmas that i'm too dysfunctional to enjoy. tomorrow mumsey takes me to get a memory card for my lovely new cam, which i might name hrothgar, to go with my laptop, which has been dubbed beowulf, and little flash card, grendel.and now what can be said after that, but merry holiday to you!

December 15, 2005


another finals season rolls around, and once again i fail to participate in the traditional (rah rah) college activities: yelling agonized obscenities out my window every midnight to blow off stresses, running up and down the streets of westwood in my underwear, and entrenching myself in newly-discovered motivation to study. at least my hygiene remains good. my last wikpedia search was for "dilithim crystals," i keep giggling and saying "boobies" (as in blue-footed or masked), i've been gorging myself on m&m's and i have a rising sense of panic with regular periodicity. 'tis the season. soon, the sleep-deprivation will set in. i've already begun to lie awake torturing myself with thoughts of programming, and i already finished that test. nothing but to plow through and live vicariously through kat's video gamming. i'm not too bitter that she's done.

December 10, 2005

the shat man cometh

it's been a while since my last post, and i had a birthday and a trip home since then, but i don't want to write about those. both were very good and in both cases, my friends were wonerful to me. that's really all that needs to be said. what i really want to write about is william shatner. oooh, billy, the shat-man. i just downloaded two of his albums (his two albums?) the transformed man and has-been. and i've been listening to them while trying to study for my programminf final. to ambivalent success. oooh! such good things, i'm horribly distracted. the funny thing is, for all my love of the shatner, i haven't even seen all that much old star trek. i've seen some - but not enough to truely justify this little obsession. it's cult of personality, i think. just too cool to not adore.

woke up today after a dream about having a ghost for a lover. literally. started listening to my shatner albums, knowing i was just procrastinating. went to shower, and disloged a large spider when i pulled my towel off the rack, so i spent some time trying to shoo it out onto the balcony. dressed myself in only outerwear and poured myself a glass of water. put shatner on in over the living room speakers and settled in the easy chair with a blanket and pillow for a good read. felt all clean and fragrant as i laughed at the music. the little things that cropped up that might make me unhappy today haven't. and for that i thank william shatner. and his brilliant rendition of tamborine man.