November 02, 2005

don't forget to dance

today, rather than study for my evolution midterm, i'm going to give you, the audience, a crash course in natural selection.

now, there are 3 conditions necessary for natural selection to exist. let us explore them.

1) there must be variation in a population. let us perform a scientific observation to demonstrate this fact. go outside. do not turn on the tv. (tv people are a special sub-species homo sapien coificus and are grossly inbred. needless to say, variation has been reduced in that population.) go outside. see the pretty people? see the ugly people? see the asians? see the jews? that is variation, baby. let us put a big check next to that box.

2) this variation must be, at least in part, heritable. find a photograph of your folks. stare at it for a while. then start yelling at the picture, "i am not like you, daddy! i will never be like you! i am my own person! i am an adult with my own mind to make up about things and i will not marry my mother i will not turn into you, daddy, i will not be like you!!" and sob for a bit. then realize you are exactly like you parents, and pour yourself a big scotch. QED.

3) this variation must confer variable success at survival or reproduction. go to a middle school dance. stand in a corner and watch the kiddies for a bit. maybe request a slow song or two. that should give you a pretty clear picture of things.


that is how natural selection works. the things that make us different also make us better or worse than one another, in pretty much the same way our parents were better or worse than other people. the best people will get all the tail. and possibly go on to become television personalities.


FADE OUT, CUE MUSIC

You look out of your window,
Into the night.
Could be rain, could be snow,
But it can't feel as cold as what you're feeling inside.

And all of you friends are either married, vanished,
Or just left alone.
But that's no reason to just stop living.
That's no excuse to just give in to a sad and lonely heart.

Don't forget to dance, no, no, no,
Don't forget to smile.
Don't forget to dance, no, no, no,
Forget it for a while.


MUSIC FADES

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