June 13, 2005

musical interlude

have had a thing for egotistical love songs lately. rolling stones' "under my thumb," dandy warhols' "i love you" jonathan coulton's "skullcrusher island" and, while i'm at it, depeche mode's "it's no good." i keep wanting to quote them everywhere:

i love you (32x)

i only just met you before,
but i can't understand
you don't want me more.

you may-be think I'm
too smart and weird,
but that should only
make you want to hear that,

i love you (16x)

obviously not in love, though, so i can't really say what's really been bringing this on.

ahhh, so thrilled, though. i finally have a flight scheduled monday to go home, get out of my mold-infested apartment, which is now also supporting a healthy population of fruit flies. the biologist in me wants to trap them and expose them to radiation...but that's beside the point, sort of.

i’m so into you
but i’m way too smart for you
even my henchmen think I’m crazy
i’m not surprised that you agree
if you could find some way to be
a little bit less afraid of me
you’d see the voices that control me from inside my head
say i shouldn’t kill you yet

i made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you
but i get the feeling that you don’t like it
what’s with all the screaming?
you like monkeys, you like ponies
maybe you don’t like monsters so much
maybe I used too many monkeys
isn’t it enough to know that i ruined a pony making a gift for you?

but i'm having a wonderfully wistful time thinking of home and all the fabulous things i'll do when i get there. (when not working, that is.) beach with my friends, evenings at the (newly remodeled) stanford theater watching classic old films, late nights at the donut shop eating pastries and bullshitting with my crew (yo). i'm gonna drag mat out into the hills and make him show me pretty hiking trails. shakespeare in the park is putting on much ado about nothing, my most favorite play ever. (i'm totally beatrice. which means my wit won't ever let me admit to the weakness of being in love - that's right, personality flaw.) mum and i go every year, sit on blankets and just chill. and there are the annual art and wine festivals in every city that we like to go to. and the weekends i can grab people and drive out to sf or down to monterey for shopping of staring at lovely fishes (another remodel that i'm absolutely thrilled about). i'm going to try and re-connect with the costume store crew and maybe tag along to renfaire again this year, dressed up like a right medieval trollop. and the rest of the time, i intend to spend shuttling back and forth between home, the library, and hollywood video. i have whole reading list made up, and i intend on convincing mom to join one of those unlimited rental deals so i can go absolutely mad. i can totally convince her to do it, too. hurrah for powers of persuasion!

It's down to me, yes it is
The way she does just what she's told
Down to me, the change has come
She's under my thumb
Ah, ah, say it's alright

Under my thumb
A siamese cat of a girl
Under my thumb
She's the sweetest, hmmm, pet in the world

though i say mum is more of a puppy than a cat. (this is what comes when you don't buy me a proper pet when i'm little, dad. i make one of my own mother. eh! eh!)

but right now, i have to slog through whole mess of finals and clouds of tiny flies and many, many pages of science bullshit. it's driving me so crazy that today i listened to the same song on repeat for, like, half an hour before realizing it and hitting "forward." the sad thing is, that i was even singing along. my sleep schedule has turned into some strange mess, and my eating habits are spotty unless kat and i do a proper dinner. i've also been slacking like mad, completely unable to concentrate, like some scary lobotomy patient. i just want this all to be over, but at least i'm not in breakdown mode like i was last year - heh. but i hate finals so, i can't wait, can't wait, can't wait until they're through. and then, finally i can get home to the little city i love. hurrah, sigh, and yay. and you must come play with me up north. visit, or if you live there, we will most assuredly hang out. it will be wonderful, you know you can't resist seductive luuuure of the bay.

i'll be fine
i'll be waiting patiently
till you see the signs
and come running to my open arms
when will you realize
do we have to wait till our worlds collide
open up your eyes
you've got to back the tide

don't say you want me
don't say you need me
don't say you love me
it's understood
don't say you're happy
out there without me
i know you can't be
cos it's no good


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