May 15, 2005

life, and something like it

oh darling, what is wrong with you?

life. ah, yes. life. i've been happy the past few days in that genuine, back-to-normal sort of way. but i've had the urge to write enigmatic, slightly philosophical and deep brain dumps everywhere i can. i've been wearing black eyeliner and no socks and keeping myself very well hydrated. my makeup was inspired by a pretentious scandinavian short film from the 60's "the perfect human," in translation. the bare feet are the result of finally warm summerish weather hitting la. and the hydration is probably some brain stem compulsion.

i have been slowly re-reading pattern recognition, starting thursday or friday at the pool. after having discovered that i have midterms wednesdays of the next two weeks, rather than monday and wednesday of this week, i began slacking off again. that, as well as wednesday's apartment find, my parents' cheque in the mail, and the blood donation have put me back into high spirits.

wednesday i donated blood. i may have flirted with the phlebotomist who pricked my finger and made sure i had never had sex for drugs or money, though i really don't know when casual conversation turns into flirtation, so it might not be a worry. went to see maqbool alone, as i could find literally no one to join. but the movie was interesting and i ran into the same "prick" as earlier coming out of it. we talked walking up bruin walk and parted ways on gailey. had to think i never would have seen him again had i gone to the film with someone else, but i hate those "alternate reality" lines of reasoning.

in another reality, that of home during the summer, it seems that my home group will be going camping on the beach. sounds like a good time, but being such quintessential intelligista children of the suburbs, only one of us (suegol) has ever done this sort of thing before. so the group (as loyalties lie): sadaf, suegol, megha, shahin, clarence, yen, myself, and possibly one or two others will be living on a beach for a couple of days, and i can almost hear the agonized cries of "ugh! i got sand in my sleeping bag!!" if i close my eyes.

sadaf and suegol don't want mat to go. i do. frankly, i'd feel a bit more secure with a male there who is, apologies to clarence and shahin, more butch than i am. though i wouldn't go so far as to call mat a "man's man." we really must introduce other men into the group, as the prospect of intradating is just depressing.

mm, but speaking of butch males, friday night at sadaf's and then back in my own apartment, i watched aussie rules football. the game, a strange combination of soccer, rugby, football, and who knows what else, i absolutely amazing. beautiful muscular men wearing shorts and tank-tops to better show off their perfectly muscular limbs run, jump, kick and hit to get a rounded football through a goal on each end of an oblong field. it is perfectly amazing to watch a man running down a field, bouncing an oblong ball on the grass every few steps, to pass the ball along just before being tackled, and to see that man then kick the ball an absurd distance with perfect accuracy, through two uprights that constitute a goal. mmm, and to see the men doing all of this in knee-high striped socks? oh, perfect! it seems i have a rather large weakness for men in striped socks.

the rest of friday night was spent either drawing on steve's ceiling (and my own chest) in blacklight pen during my visit with sadaf, or drooling with kat over televised men.

saturday night was actually spent in quite a similar manner, with kat and i watching one of the next generation start trek movies (insurrection) and making eyes at picard and riker. this was after spending the late afternoon in santa monica wandering around. we ate hot dog on a stick for the first time since prepuberty, to our collective amusement. and ran into cynthia and her boy in the 3rd st. victoria secret. it was a bit awkward, as, technically, she does live with us, yet it was the first time seeing her in at least a month. of course, i've run into mark at least three times in the past week, so it was inevitable that we meet, having left our respective apartments.

another person it's awkward: been talking to kim in a friendly way for a couple of months now. this morning she told me she was feeling depressed, etc. didn't really know what to say, but it was such an absurd de ja vu, as i spent most of the last two years of our friendship before the big split discussing her depression. i didn't want to be put into the role of cheering her, but really, it turned out unnecessary. frankly, i half expect our renewed friendship to be some elaborate set-up. as if at some point, i will see her again and she will have several large men emerge from bushes to beat me up. but i am trying to act like a normal person and i must say, it does seem to be working.

apart from that, everything is more or less normal. last night i dreamed i was in a play, my hair is in pigtails, and i'm still vaguely pining. ah, well. such it is, such it is.


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