April 03, 2005

superhero scientist druggie dike

bit tired, but in a good way. very happy mood and back in la. i can feel the la-ness seep back into me, though i've been holding it back, and even in the ride from the airport i could feel the rising anxiety of the city trying to creep in. i sat back and remembered my friends back home, running their faces in front of my mind's eye in a soothing slide show and grooved the silicon valley. when i got back on firm ground i felt more myself. yen was on my flight and we took a shuttle back to westwood together. she kept yelling, "i hate this place" during the trip. ran into blaize as i was walking from shuttle to my apartment, as i almost knew that i would, and later roped him into getting dinner with me at in 'n out. now that kat's here, the fridge is full of food again, so i can eat properly here in my own happy kitchen. unpacked and tidied up with a fervent bustling energy, but stopped when it came to the point where i'd have to pack my already bursting drawers. got a second wind later and did some serious rearranging. made drawer space, filled drawer space, etc. i now have a secret chace of panties hidden in my closet in case the need ever arises to...what? defend myself while huddles in the closet using nothing but my own dainties...or something. afterwards, i finished and mailed my taxes. a, ah, rather taxing ordeal (groan), as i suck. had my envelopes all addressed (albiet wrongly) and was only awaiting confirmation on addresses and a check. wrote the check ($3, you would think they just wouldn't bother) re-checked the addresses, sealed the envelopes, and then remembered i had put the wrong month on my returns. groan! so i opened the envelopes back up, peeled the stamps off, and glued the stamps to new envelopes with elmer's. at least new envelopes didn't have unsightly scratched out portions of address where i repeatedly corrected my mistakes. did manage to mail them amid pale fantasies about insidious sneaking men rummaging through mail, removing loosely affixed stamps and giggling sinisterly, and rows and rows of identical p.o. boxes that lead to black pits with flames licking their rims. and while i pay taxes, chris is getting married to someone he doesn't love to say "fuck the government." stupid no same-sex marriage thing. but i think he's being royally stupid for legal reasons. besides, how will he ever marry me if he's already got a spouse? we have plans - he will be poor philosophy professor mooching off of me - rich doctor wife. or rather, he made the plans for us. i think i get short end of stick there. but do have to wake early tomorrow - classes and such. mustn't upset plans, even if he goes on and does wed random girl (while still having proper girlfriend of his own). and the schedule next quarter is all science with big gaps between my classes forming a hideous week. must do well this quarter for reasons besides med school: father is back home checking my college grades online. i gave him the info needed to get to my grade report *shudder.* after the whole missed final debachle, he trusts me responsibility a lot less, i think. he asked me very sternly, "is there something you should be telling us? are you sure? nothing you think you should share?" on the phone after i admitted my gross mistake. he was in essence asking, "are you on the drugs? are you sure it's not drugs? you had better admit now to being on drugs, it'll go a lot easier on you if you just admit it now." i'm not fucking on drugs, but his sporadic scowly disapproving looks all break started getting to me. not that i didn't deliberately needle him into them quite often. why else would i ask him what he thought about me getting a tattoo or flaunt my purple hair?...heheheh. he really doesn't understand me (and not in an "i'm misunderstood" sort of way, in a -my father keeps giving me disbelieving stares- sort of way) - i can sort of see how he might think that i'm on drugs. and worse, he once tried to make me promise that i'd never use drugs (7th grade or something)...and i refused. which i actually think took quite strength of character, as i wasn't doing it just to screw with him. i just didn't feel comfortable making such a broad positive statement - call it the scientist in me, i was curious. and didn't want to make a promise i wasn't sure i'd keep. i did have a brilliant science fantasy today. while complaining to blaize about horrible schedule, he responded, "well science is knowledge and knowledge is power." so i thought: wouldn't it be fabulous if the more science you learn, the more powerful you became - in superhero sense. i envisioned myself sporting she-ra/wonderwoman magic metal wrist cuffs, but it could really go far beyond that: gift of flight, eye lasers, shiny tiara, perfect imobile action hair.... that would be so bitchin' - science could make me magical. with wrist cuffs! ka-ping! zing! ka-pow! tee hee! i told him about my little wrist cuff fantasy and blaize told me it was one of the most stupid things he had ever heard me say. evidently, he hasn't known me very long. fool. i responded by telling the story of how i once told kim that my lunch was between her legs. (she was, of course, standing over my backpack which contained sandwich and box drink.) scarringly, priya then decided to greet me for the next two weeks with loud yells of, "carla! my lunch is between your legs!!" not quite as bad as yen, whose nickname in some circles was apparently "dildo" during high school after one particularly naive question asked of the elderly elfin calculus teacher during class one day. it has become sort of a running joke then, or possibly fixation, and her away message all evening was "back in hell... unpacking my dildo," which i just loved. rather hope this quarter won't be hellish, though with chem and all, it very will might. this is the same chem class that gave me the nervous breakdown last spring. i also hope i can keep silicon valley joy inside of me - sink my roots somewhere and dig in. best way not to go nuts. well, bedtime. early start and all.


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