March 05, 2005

three cheers for literature, windex

last night, finally having the resolve needed, i buckled down and determined to not watch television, but instead to catch up on the incredible amounts of reading i have to do for various lit classes. i also did my laundry. all the while, i re-read my wordswoth and my coleridge, began my byron, and finished stevenson. it was quite a prolific evening for british authors. at about 2 am, after coleridge, wordsworth, and stevenson, i decided to clean my bathroom. with all my clothes all nice and clean, fresh towel not smelling of feet, i could not bear to move all my fluffy lovely clean towels into my grimy, fluff-encrusted bathroom. so disgusting every surface encrusted in a layer of fuzz, eyelashes, flakings - it's really been a disgusting amount of time since its been cleaned - far too horrid to even mention. and so i brought in a full roll of paper towels, 409, lime-away, and...hmm something else...not quite sure what. i scrubbed away like crazy, cleaned all my mirrors, every single surface. to do the shower, i stripped down to naked and simply got in (we learn from our parents these sort things, and my mum is insane). started having strange thoughts about various sexual icons. naked martha stewart (an idea introduced to me by an snl sketch, i do believe), french maid, that sort of thing. i find it quite remarkable, the interest in women who simultaneously clean and offer sex. really, it's the adult dream of having a mother-figure to take care of all your needs - mother who you can screw without being in the adirondacks. mused about this while scrubbing and felt mildly vampy and amused. took as shower myself, as i felt jealous of the fixtures getting all clean without me. afterwards, i cleaned the floor with swiffer and this is where all the true filth collected. it had all hidden itself behind the toilet and congealed with the moisture from the steam into clumps of hair and slime. i was disgusted with myself and resolved to clean more often. when bathroom was sparkly and clean i was so pleased i pranced about the apartment loudly declaring my pleasure. finished and went back to the couch where i read byron until 4. brushed my teeth and went to bed. today i went to class and wowed the professor in discussion with clever comments about sexual democracy, felt very proud. hurrah for reading comprehension. hurrah for don juan. hurrah for dying ingloriously in a swamp of stds, but being mistaken nonetheless for great political freedom fighter.

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