November 03, 2004

fantasy sequences

my life has been rather...full, of late, and so i've had much to write. however, by the time i actually sit down to put it all down, it seems that i have already either forgotten what i had wanted to say, or else lack the stamina or inspiration to do so. i've also been trying to keep my posts relatively short as there are, well, so many of them. this is, of course, out of consideration to you, my reader, however, i hope you will bear with me today as there has been rather a lot on my mind.

mother and the aunt have finally gone. tia flew out today, leaving behind a pile of furs and another of italian lady-suits. my dad drove down to collect my mother and the coture. they will all be whisked off to arizona tomorrow, bright and early most likely, for vacationing and vending. the parents and i (and kat) had a cozy family dinner at cpk tonight (dad pried open his wallet and treated). i have to admit, it's terribly lovely to be on my own again. i missed the spaciousness (the parents are staying in a hotel tonight). dad brought me down my hairdryer, insurance card, and a poncho my mother crocheted for me. it's maroon with colored bands and a big rosette in the front. i find it a bit strange, but kat assures me it's cute. it feels like one of mother's hugs - soft and loose and warm. i'm sure i'll start missing her again almost immediately. after dinner, i was dropped back off at my apartment in order to study.

i finally began the ecology reading i have been putting off for days now. been at it all evening in fact, and i have gotten...14 pages done. i must admit, i have been a bit distracted. but only because i find the work terribly tedious. i played the hitchhiker's rpg and chatted with chris. and for your amusement, a portion of that chat:

chris: prolly gonna get drunken tommorrow night.
me: good times. why exactly? or just the fun of it all?
chris: need to be separated from this reality as such? lol
me: haha escapism, fine.
chris: sex is just as good, but I am lacking in that area.
me: poor thing, you've said.
chris: quite.
me: i'm a bit horny, myself. maybe it's just my regular clock, or else it might be that i'm reading ecology - i'm starting to believe there's a correlation between biological science texts and that.
chris: rofl, you're going to have to explain that.
me: it might just be that i get bored and my mind wanders...or perhaps on some subconscious level it just gets me thinking, "mate! mate now! mate!"
chris: 'tis possible. I'm nigh upon always available, just on the other side of the country.
me: pity. ...hell, i just realized that i'm alone in the apartment.
chris: oh dear. makes me wish I was there. lol
me: aaah! i'm bored, i feel obliged to work, can't work, and i'm just stewing in my own hyperactivity.
chris: hehe I'm reading now.
me: aw, "wish you were here."

so, out of boredom i demanded chris tell me a story. a brilliant story which i have included because it deserves a wider audience.

Five men sat in a dark room....every once in a while glancing at each other. Whenever eyes met, the men involved immeadiately retreated from the reality of one another by staring at the floor. It was uncarpeted tile. Black and white criss-crossing across the expanse of the room. The walls were stark, devoid of decor, white and uninterested. Finally the man walked in, "she's fine," he said, to which three of the men broke into grins. The other two men looked at each other in shock....They all stood together and followed the man out of the room. The two men who had glanced at each other in shock held back, allowing the other three to pull ahead. "What happened to the Sodium Penathol? I thought you were going to slip it into her drip to ensure that this would not succeed!" The other man gasped, "I thought your were going to do it!" he cried, a bit too loud and one of the other men looked back almost accusingly. He immeadiately blushed and looked at the ground angrily. "What a clusterfuck! How could we let this happen?!" They walked to the room in silence with no more utterances between them....When they walked into her room she was standing in the middle of the room....upon the sight of her, one man immeadiately gagged and promptly vomited on the floor...the woman was simply staring at the mirror, a look of horror and utter disbelief crossed her face....the two men at the back simply looked at each other...."I told you she'd be upset!" exclaimed the man. "You can't just put the head of Morgan Fairchild on the body of a gorilla and not think she's going to be upset!"
The End

i love it! any story that can intelligently use the word "clusterfuck".... unfortunately, while brilliant, the story was unable to distract me from certain...urges. so i imed jim "i'm bored, come over." know, i know that wasn't nearly as unabashed as my conversation with chris, but chris is in kentucky and neither of us expect anything to happen over that distance (astral projection being an untapped science) so i can be perfectly blunt without any concern. besides, the subtext wass clear in my message to jim, i do believe. i was rather shocked and suprised at my own shamelessness. good girls study for their midterms, they don't invited boys over deliberately in order to snog them. there wasn't even really any conversation once he got here. i made a stab at it: "so how have you been?" "busy." "yeah, busy." and that was essentially it. but i enjoyed it. after not really having seen jim for two weeks (the game really doesn't count), and one of those times having been with break-up-girl, i was beginning to worry that my allure had waned. guess not! i was terribly pleased when after a while of kissing, we just started cuddling (he initiated). i had no idea how badly i had been craving being touched. i wanted to pull him over me like a comforter and just curl up, soaking in the warmth and the warmth. he left after an hour, which is only fair, considering the number of times i've kicked him out so that i could get work done or a night's sleep. goodbye kiss verry nice.

now, i know i complained about all the poetry i had to read halloween night, but this one i just have to share. the second stanza describes so well an attitude, a powerful confidence, that i so admire and rather wish i had. and the rest of it is rather amazing as well. explores traditional gender roles and the role of the agressor. check out the puns on deer/dear and the hunter metaphor. author's used to chasing and getting his women. but then look at the descriptions used, "strange fashion" and "newfangleness," something has changed. last stanza: he's been told "let's see other people." and the words "kindly am served"... perhaps am served in kind? this is what he's used to doing with his girls but the tables perplexingly have been turned. oooh, i love it!

They flee from me that Sometime did me Seek
They flee from me that sometime did me seek
With naked foot, stalking in my chamber.
I have seen them gentle, tame, and meek,
That now are wild and do not remember
That sometime they put themself in danger
To take bread at my hand; and now they range,
Busily seeking with a continual change.

Thanked be fortune it hath been otherwise
Twenty times better; but once in special,
In thin array after a pleasant guise,
When her loose gown from her shoulders did fall,
And she me caught in her arms long and small;
Therewithall sweetly did me kiss
And softly said, "dear heart, how like you this?"

It was no dream: I lay broad waking.
But all is turned thorough my gentleness
Into a strange fashion of forsaking;
And I have leave to go of her goodness,
And she also, to use newfangleness.
But since that I so kindly am served
I would fain know what she hath deserved.
~sir thomas wyatt

last night, out of the blue, i began reminiscing about my childhood. to be exact, gymboree. and more than anything i wanted to roll around on top of a giant hard foam cylinder covered in red and yellow vinyl. i wanted to run under a giant parachute in primary colors, being waved up and down over my head, where, underneath the colorful silk the air is filtered a watery green, and, running out of the silent transient room, back in the sunlight, laugh. and that got me thinking about other child hood games. i wanted to play and old fantasy game kat had invented in our youth, "the nothing game." wherein girls were unicorns and fairies and pandas and anything good and pretty and they lived on the junglegyms and play structures, and boys were lava monsters and crocodiles and other slimies who had to stay in the tanbark and would try to "get" us with childish taunts and screams. i wanted to roll down a grassy hill laughing. i wanted to romp. and i was lying in bed, all intense desire for the complete freedom of youth and sunlight and carefree time, and i promised myself that i would go to the park soon.

and now it is terribly late and i still have a chapter to finish and an essay to critique. thank you for reading. goodnight.


At 7:34 PM, Blogger Sadaf said...

I may have birthdays and a funeral as my entries, but at least that's better than excerpts from old, dead people.


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