September 24, 2004

sentimental fool

had my last day of work today before back to school. boss' children were aloof and slightly overbearing, as usual, the little brats, but coworker's child was terribly sad to see me go. i think a__ was jealous i was getting so much attention, she kept jingling her wallet in front of o__ and offering to go buy things in a desperate play for attention. i deposited my checks (o__ tagged along) and drove home, the entire way feeling an unnamed tragedy stalking behind me. i was sure i'd run over a child in the parking lot, or hit a biker on the road, or come home to find my parents in a mammoth row. i dissipated my fears, however, with the irreverence of bubble gum. i blew disgusting purple bubble after another while humming along to guns 'n roses on the radio, and was happy.

but that, as all things, passed. home is just a breeding-ground of melancholy. i may just be projecting, but i think we're all pretty depressed about me leaving. i'm pretty empathic; it's probably some sort of sorrow loop, mom's sad, i feel it and get sadder, and she senses it and saddens, and dad finds us both subdued and feels it too, and then i sense my parents' moods...etc. aah! i've been pouting as i pack, as i run errands with mum, as i plan my departure with kat, as i watch m*a*s*h. it's a terribly poignant episode. not helping my mental state. i really couldn't stand going to bed yet, though. i need my sleep, yeah, but i just want to be home for as long as possible. i'm excited about getting back to la, sure, but suddenly a lot less eager to leave. *sigh* it wasn't this hard last year, not by a long shot. stupid last year. *pouts*


p.s. just heard, "if i knew all the answers, i'd run for god." brilliant.

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