September 06, 2004

flawless fake

i've been mildly obsessed with the concept of perfection for a long time. not overtly, but very quietly and in my mind. now, i am terribly aware that i am flawed, but i generally don't think about it. i have heavy thighs and crooked teeth, bad, bad vision, and not the best personality in the world. but in my mind, sill rings the impression of "perfect." terribly vain, i am ready to admit, but there it is. but now my prefect teeth, prefect in health, though not in appearance, are gone. 4 cavities in one year. ouch. never had a cavity in my life till i went to college and suddenly several. i have to go to the dentist tomorrow to get 2 cavities filled and have 2 more to be filled the week after. i'm scared it'll hurt and am not looking forward to having to refrain from licking my wounds afterwards. also a friend brought up this possible problem with the fillings: every time you eat something hard, you'll be like 'oh noes, what if it comes off and i swallow it?' now i am going to associate them with oral sex. greeeat. but every so often i have to talk about it and start moaning that i'm no longer perfect. mostly ironically, but the amount that i do it, i have to admit there is some truth there, as well. so much for my silly little fantasy. oh, don't worry, i have plenty of other little fantasies to keep me warm (grin), but this one was one of the more deeply ingrained echos. at least i don't channel it into outward vanity. mostly.

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