August 04, 2004

three days worth of thoughts

just read bridget jones' diary. had the urge to compulsively weigh myself all day. damn stupid smug clever british chick novel. making me neurotic like the main character. actually, she seems a lot less crazy in the book than in the movie. though the other characters are much different. finished that and started rabbit, run by john updike. his name is so familiar to me, but i don't know what it is of his that i have read. it has made me begin a philosophical little literary rant that i will get into another time, namely when the television is not distracting me. i like that new axe body spray commercial where the man's actions make things happen to the women around him (eg. opening a book opens a woman's blouse, pushing up his sleeve pushes up a woman's skirt), v. sexy.

i, too, am becoming v. sexy with the help of a little shopping trip i made with the girls and a new gym pass. it's a little tank top that makes up in vibrant blue-ness what in lack in size. it has the two crossing panel bits that go in front and make an x across the chest and tummy, giving it a v-neck and a triangular gap above the bellybutton. only to be worn on flat-tummy days. and to increase the frequency of those days... my parents have been nagging me to visit dad at work (ymca) and work out, and after two years they have finally worn me down. i went on mon and shock and amaze! dug the weightlifting. went back today and got set up on the computer. also did a short stint on the bike. hated the bike. got on, pedaled, pedaled, pedaled, pedaled...pedaled. got fed up, left. 10 min of cardio. when i told kat that i dug the gym, she suggested we take cardio classes with weights. i told her i preferred lifting. she called me "such" a man. pbbth! so what if i like pumping iron?? it'll make me powerful and strong, strong to kick ass! has made me a bit sore, though. inner thighs, especially. i was lying on my bed last night, stretching. it was really almost obscene. really though, felt like steel cables. steel cables on fine. rrrr.

mum got a laptop today in an extremely lengthy trip to the apple store. i could picture it going in. dad would repeatedly bitch about the price. mom would ask the salesperson in an overloud voice for a computer that did "word pro-ces-sing and the in-ter-net," as if she were asking for something unusual and highly specific, like "3-d wave function graphing capabilities with live updating." turns out, the saleguy though she was just adorable (as we all do). think maybe he was scopin' me out a bit, kept smiling at me and making jokes aimed at me, when i obviously wasn't the purchaser. hee, well i was wearin' the sexy new top. *grin* got a cheap i=pod though, the spanky new ones with the clickwheel. about $80 (rebate with ibook). don't know yet if i'm gonna keep it or sell it.

ah, speaking of my crazed family, talked to grandma on the phone this evening. she's gotten a bit senile, i discovered when she told me directions to get to her retirement home twice, already having given them to my father, knowing he was driving. growing old scares me. i don't want to get saggy and fat, but even more i fear losing my mind and descending into fog, delusion, and senility. ah, but this trip will be a joy. kat has offered me dvds of six feet under to watch once there. tempted to bring 'em, but then i'd have to bring the laptop, and justify that to dad. meh, think i will anyways.

i am tempted to dress slutty and do very heathen things. watch heathen movies, read heathen books, cuss and hehehe. i'm thinking pulp fiction, six feet under, and the schrodinger's cat trilogy. yeees... ah, just saw quentin tarantino spazzing out on leno. love and hate.

ooh, there's this show, the sunday night sex show, hosted by this little old woman who gives the most graphic advice complete with diagrams and um...demonstrations. half the most terrifying thing on earth, half completely fantastic. whatever it is, i want to be that sort of very old woman. very informative, however. just learned about the female condom, benefits, insertion technique, hypoallergetic properties. the last one is important because of something i really didn't need to know about someone. but the fact that this information came into my life seems an omen. bad bad omen. tv said that and *pause* oh crap...stupid universe. stop taunting me with things i don't need to think about ever ever ever!

or do i? heatheny, no? no, thought about it, don't want to think about it. what i do want, however, is a snack.

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