August 12, 2004

overdue post, unbridled egoism, cool things i saw

finally got back from ohio. now i tell you about my trip. woke up 8ish, blah blah blah, chatted online a bit, ate, airport, plane, whoosh!, 3 hour layover in o'hare (ironic, because jim demanded that i visit him in chicago rather than go to ohio, and i insulted him), whoosh!, arrived in cincinatti. rented a car (awesome thing i saw #1: the car rental bathroom doubles as a tornado shelter) and drove to the tiiny litttle town of...something, ohio. (on the way, saw awesome thing #2: xavier university. not quite an x-men reference, but still damn cool.) i noticed an amazing thing: none of the billboards i passed used sex to sell their product. not a one! they all had pictures of the product and bright colors and text. not a single sultry stare among them! the bible belt is like another country for me. arrived in tiny town of grandma's retirement supervillage. it takes up, like, half the town. (awesome thing #3: there's a hustler store in tiny blue collar town of grandma livin'. the only hustler store i have ever heard of is in la, and then one turns up in the middle of nowhere, ohio. i totally freaked out.) the visit was pretty dull. communed with the relatives, which means i mostly listened to the adults talk among themselves and acted polite. first day dressed a bit scandalously: new blue sexy top and white nearly transparent skirt. thought i'd offend their delicate christian sensibilities a bit. grandma thought i was soo pretty and raved about it. i attribute it to failing eyesight. then the kids came, my three young cousins. they glommed to me and demanded entertainment. i played with them pretty well, until the youngest peed himself and started leaning against all my stuff and my leg. yucky moist children. i spent most of my free time reading john updike's rabbit, run. brilliantly written, you could feel the desperation and the tension reading it, but that made me quiet and moody the entire trip. i was v. quiet and demure the entire time. shock! the second day we went to a sculpture garden, dad, gram, my aunt and i. while i would usually dig that, it was just tedious and dull driving around with the fam. next day flew home. 5 hour stopover in texas. made $100 switching flights, 'cuz they overbooked. actually, technically each ticket was $250 flight vouchers in kickback for switching, but dad wanted to keep more money. i got compensated at a lower rate, then. i got a "don't mess with texas shot glass." i can see it now, staggering about drunkenly, slurring, "i strongly discourage you from messing with texas, good sir," or, "it would be highly unwise for you to mess with texas at this juncture in time," and finally, "ayup." made a lot of (me) drinkin' references to dad. actin' out after a very polite weekend. hah. (awesome thing #4: saw a night thunderstorm from the plane. big ol' gray cloud shaped like a hat, periodically torn by flashed of light scrabbling across it like a spider with sprawling legs. i'm poe-tic.)

so got back and been spending random blocks of time setting up the computer. i'm now on my very own wireless network! no more stealing from the neighbors for me. saw flirty mac salesman yesterday. he offered to take mom for a ride on his motorcycle. she gushed. heehee. she's so cute. so been workin' back at the cook store. (awesome thing #5: driving home from work the other day i saw the word "gringots" taped on a bank window.) went to see a fab double feature at the stanford. jason and the argonauts and the seventh voyage of sinbad (awesome thing #6). they are the movies of my childhood, i used to watch them on mst3k when i was little. i wasn't exactly a "cool" child, but goddammit, i had all the makings. batman tv, mst3k, green hornet tv, get smart, mcgyvver - good things. and now i rock. case closed.


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