July 10, 2004

seriously, it all boils down to money

i now have a darth vadar speakerphone from the 70's sitting menacingly in my room in all its 20-inch-tall glory. i haven't plugged it in yet, but i'm assured it will work. i'm a bit reluctant about the whole speakerphone thing, but it was $10 at a garage sale and it was just too awesome to pass up. it turns out my old director (from one of the bad summer plays in was in years ago) lives just down the block from me. i showed up looking to buy a framed disney print and ended up making small talk for over an hour. she and her husband are terribly interesting people. it's a pity i discover this soon before they are about to move, but ah well, such is my life. i ran into my old spanish teacher on the streets of los altos the other day outside my work. my, but she is heavily pregnant. due in two weeks. i congratulated her a bit ambivalently. i guess i just can't get enthusiastic about children. i think it's because i work with them, though i can't say i was ever really fond of kids - if anything, i'm more fond of them now than i ever was in the past. horrible thought. i decided today that i have the same reaction to children that i do to dogs (i'm not a dog person) - i will go, "aw how cute," and pet the dog a bit, but quickly lose interest and be done with all that. upon seeing a child i will go, "aw how cute," and make faces at the child or try and talk to it a bit, but interest soon wanes and i just give up. not the best attitude for a teacher, now, is it? i have developed a twitch in my left eye that i attribute to the children. in my more honest moments, i admit that it probably has nothing to do with the little monsters, as it acts up even when they are not around, but it is simply more amusing to say it is their fault. i think perhaps it has sprung from my being overworked. while i have afternoons off during the week, mornings are simply no fun, and i haven't had a proper day off in weeks. my days off are spent working in the cookware store, so that i am constantly somewhere having to be polite to someone. i need a massage, i need a party, i need a day at the aquarium. something, certainly. it doesn't help my outlook any that my period has begun, i'm sure. if i have cramps tomorrow at work, all hell is going to break lose up in that store. i need to receive a paycheck soon from someone. if i don't get paid by someone soon, i think i might go into a disaffected rage. (if you could see me right now, you would realize that i'm really just too tired and docile to do much of anything at all.) i'm going to bed now, but this really has got to stop, when i realize that i am completely doomed, because after tomorrow at cookware store, i'm going back to teaching *shudder*, no more relaxed or entertained than before. you know there's trouble. anyone feel like placing bets on whether i make up a lesson plan for my 3 new classes of 20 students on monday? here's a hint: fat chance! i'm going to really miss my 2 hour break between classes. goodbye mid-morning sidewalk nap. goodbye leisurely lunch. goodbye reading time. helllooooo $36 more dollars a day.

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