July 31, 2004

hi, ohio, oh no

i worked 8 hours, each day yesterday and today. both last night and the night before, i slept 8 hours. i'm lying on the ground. wiped. got dinner with mum this evening at thai basil, beginning to love that place. we rented amile and down with love (hee). watched amile, very good movie, 4th time i saw it, though. the other is just crap. that i think i might just love. when i get around to watching it. tomorrow some time. and then to see twelfth night free in the park. loooove.

so, it horrifically turns out that next weekend, friday to monday, i will go to visit my relatives in ohio with my dad. mum gets out of it because she's still gimpy. bitch. i really don't want to go visit. every time i have to see the relatives, i freak out a little. the boredom seems more intense, the awkward silences all the more awkward...and silent. but what really makes me rant in obsessive, insane fervor is my grandmother and one set of aunt and uncle. very religious branch of the family that is. unable to conceive children of their own, the aunt and uncle adopted three from asia. cute, clever, and sweet, these kids comprise the majority of children i can actually stand. their upbringing is uber-wholesome. church and grace before dinner. nightly prayer. no more than one hour of television a day. obedience. private schools. fun schedules and planned activities. i'm pretty sure they aren't allowed to read harry potter. i don't know why, but this makes me very self-righteous. children should have chaos! i think about all this and feel subversive. i want to teach the children magic spells and cusses and other religious philosophies. actually, that group of the family in general make me feel all sneaky and mean and heathenish. yes heathenish! i am comforted by the fact that a separate set of aunt and uncle is atheist and a third is divorced.

shouldn't really be a comfort, but i am weird when it comes to my family. really. in general, i think i could probably be better served if i didn't really see them. they're not so much cherished people in my life as foreign, despite the obligation of blood ties. ugh. the entire clan just gives me jangley nerves, which are not made better by my patent inability to see them as anything more than two-dimensional caricatures. maybe this visit, i will actually talk with my relatives, learn about them as people, though looking at the track record, this is unlikely. last time i visited the clan in ohio, it turns out that my aunt and uncle split because he was cheating on her with a family friend. i was staying at their house. and kept wondering...where's uncle jan? is he away for work? have they split? why is no one telling me??? would it be indiscrete if i asked? finally i eavesdropped and discovered the truth. was soo pissed off at my parents for not warning me, how could that not occur to them? grandma sends cards at holidays and dad will call her every few weeks. somehow, the majority of the conversation circles around the topic of weather. this just outrages me. is there nothing in anyone's life more interesting than humidity levels?? that's a pathetic relationship. to expend the effort of maintaining contact and spending money on phonecalls and stamps if nothing more substantial is discussed than the sunshine, or rainfall.

i feel scaley and spiney and bristled. what would redeem the trip? something better to do. alright i'm fishing. chris lives an hour away and a visit would relieve the monotony anticipated. ah well, little chance there. stupid yucky ohio. what i am convinced is the highway-side self-storage lot for the country's kin.


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