June 16, 2004

Two days... six hours... forty-two minutes... twelve seconds. That... is when the world... will end

i spent most of this evening feeling psychically drained. as if someone had taken my soul and trod it flat. so i finished my pre-colombain review and went to an old standby - film therapy. i stole donnie darko out of kat's collection and watched it there, in her room, lying on my stomach with my headphones in. so now i bring to you carla's list of quality. one: if it makes me want to cry. two: if while watching it, my chest slowly heats up and i'm smiling. three: if i laugh till my anus threatens to distend. four: if i'm left afterwards, head cocked one side, and all i can say is, "huh" (or else simple wide-eyed amazement). donnie darko hit one (for the ending) and four. sex and lucia hit one and two, and a little bit of four. fight club hit four. batman got three. there are other types of quality, there's escapist quality, which labyrinth got, and crappy quality, which so many of my favorite movies have, but if you want to talk creme, i'm going to stick with my system of four. there is nothing like film to relieve boredom. there is nothing like film to assuage all hurts. i am left renewed, calmed. tomorrow i will wake up, shower and dress, hopefully eat, (i pray) review, and then go take my final. when i finish i will return to my room and most likely watch a movie, get dinner, and then i must burry myself in my chem texts. i will then have one day and two nights to become proficient in chemistry, that i may excel at the final. i hope very much that i am able to do this. i have anxiety. i just keep thinking how much i would like to get drunk and have a carefree time with my friends. unlikely to happen any time soon. as soon as i finish my second final, i will pack up everything i have here and get into the car to spend the next seven hours on the road home. once home, i will have little chance for days to go out for a good relaxation. i just keep thinking, uncharitably, "i just need a fuck." uncharitably, as there is none to be had. (no one to be had.) perhaps something will come up when i return home. i hope so, because, while i may be in a post-cinematic doldrums just now, i know come morning, and for the next few days to come, i will be a ball of severed nerves.

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