May 09, 2004

procrastination and provocation

i have been sorely slacking all weekend, damn it! friday i had my o-chem midterm, which i kicked! (i think) that night, i figured i'd take a break from all the piss and shit of studying, so i holed myself up in my room playing mortal kombat 3, watching h.r. puffinstuff, and laughing my ass off. saturday was supposed to be hardcore study time, but i spent the entire day, books open in my lap and strewn on my bed, watching cyborg movies. i am full of shame. i prepared 1 question for art history and then went over to jim's to watch stargate till almost 6 am. ugh! not how i intended that night to go.

i never quite get jim. he treats all girls except his girlfriend pretty much like younger sisters, as far as i can tell. when you're together it's all abuse: objects flying across the room at your head, picked up put down, tickled, and hair ruffled. but then it's also him sitting on you, laying on you, side-by-side, legs on top, arms underneath, head resting. purely innocent and straightforward, of course. but when the girlfriend is around you are studiously ignored. making the rest of it seem slightly illicit. goodness, he gave me a raspberry! me pinned down, stubble tickling my belly, indignant squeal. one: haven't had that happen since i was like 7, two: faint memories of my father's mustache, three: excuse for contact? weird inconstant things. reminder of some time last week and we were fighting/wrestling in kat's room (again purely innocent, to my mild disappointment, of course. i would like a good dirty wrassle, though not necessarily with jim.) and suddenly he stops, and spends the next 5 minutes sitting back across from me, closed book held up like a shield between us and weird pensive look on his face. kat asked later, joking, "what, did you two share a moment?" me: "not as far as i can tell."

all-in-all i don't know whether i should be mildly weirded out, worried, cool with it, or what. i mean, yeah, duh, everything is pretty much sibling-y but i don't know him well enough to have that sort of affection (or tolerance) for him. basically the weird thing about all this is, i don't know how to be treated as that, so it's strange to me. eesh. rest assured, i'm not crushing on him, i have better sense than that, certaintly, and i'm not sure i'm even attracted to him. i'm getting that the entire reason for our friendship is for me to become more comfortable with people.

still, with him lying on my ribcage, all i could think was "i kinda wish my boobs were bigger." more like adopted siblings, i think.


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