May 19, 2004

day lessons

things i have learned just waking up:

living mindfully is a lot more difficult than one would think. i woke up today late for class, and instead of greeting the day with a half-smile and wishes for an enlightened world, i yelled, "fuck!" and then searched desperately for my pants, remembering to half-smile for a split-second before i bolted into the bathroom to relieve myself. on the walk down to class it was no better. in an attempt to regain mindfullness, i spent the walk to class attentive of my breath. inhale: four steps, exhale: four steps. walking down to north campus along charles e. young, however, what i was inhaling and exhaling was a delicate mixture of tar and exhaust.

greg says all guys are sleazy. not sleazy as in check out every girl in sight, but sleazy as in don't really have great self-control. sex...drive...overpowering...must...fuck...or...perish. need yellow sun!!! i've never been one to really buy into that sort of bullshit, and i still can't give it that much credit. *sigh* i really don't want to become jaded...


things i have learned just falling asleep:

my best haikus are written when i have no hope of remembering them, just as i am drifting off to oblivion. but isn't everything that way?

blaize and jim's room is where time goes to die. so many times have i gone in there intending on staying for just a short while and gotten roped into remaining until 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, even 6 am.

i'm not good with secrets. i have this stupid need to say every single little thought in my head to whoever happens to be around. vonnegut mentions this singularly human malady in...breakfast of champions, i think. but i need to develop some guile and pronto. how many more times in my life is my arbitrary honesty going to get me into trouble. fortunately for me, kat can be trusted to keep my secrets, even when i don't...


things i have thought of in between:

"it was a cold night that smelt of burnt cotton candy..."

excellent weekends capped of with mediocre sundays are nonetheless a bit disappointing, silly silly me. friday was literature, good music, frat party (you can read for yourself). saturday was breakfast, swim, perfect shower, cpk dinner, last unicorn, coffee, hero. and then sunday was nothing at all. disappointing.

it is definitely spring. the evidence keeps mounting, from heightened party flirtations, to random approaches on the street, to new internet friends (kat got a good one, mine's something of an ineloquent dud), and ill-advised flirtations. goodness, with all the recent attention, i should be extremely ballsey soon, but there seems no point, really. going home soon.

i would quote you the most excellent line from naked lunch, but that must wait until i fetch my book back from a friend's room.




all in all...i guess i'm a bit wiser, and if not, well, hell, i'm sure the important lessons will all be beat into me by the time i die.

1 Comments:

At 7:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did NOT say that guys have no self-control. I said that they feel an overwhelmingly strong force. The fact is, those who have been taught etiquette ARE able to keep themselves under control. I like to think that I am one of these.

-Greg (http://www.livejournal.com/~_grisha)

 

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