March 05, 2004

What Can I Say...I Like to Watch

today is the day i accidentally almost became a lesbian. how does one accidentally almost become a lesbian, you ask? well, it involves toast. more explanation is probably needed.

after dinner today i had a slice of toast while kat went off to get dessert. staring off into the middle distance towards the stairs at the end of the dining hall, i noticed a girl walking back to her table. my eyes must have pretty obviously followed her motion because a second after she got back, she and her friends at the table had a short conference and then turned back to look at me and giggle. completely exposed, alone at the table, and still staring generally off into space, i caught their looks and wondered what in the hell...they turned back and i felt more at ease. then they all turned back and stared at me for a minute straight, removing all doubt as to the object of their scrutiny, while i self-consciously avoided looking at them and tried hiding behind my diminishing bit of toast. then one of the males at the table got up and walked across my field of vision, noticeably staring at me, probably trying to see if i would then watch him the same way i had watched the girl. by the time kat got back, the toast was gone, i was mortified, and they had gone back to their own pursuits, but i was thoroughly chagrined. by that time, too, i had figured out what i had done to merit their attention - they must have thought i was checking her out.

i feel it my duty to mention that i was not leering at her, though i do admit to staring. but i have an excuse. she was thin, terribly thin. i was staring at her thinness, noting that, yes, while her abs were flat as a board, there was still a little skin flab above the sides of her jeans, proving that even the skinny have cellulite. while i was contemplating this girl's midriff and envying her superior genes (or workout dedication, whatever) i must have appeared quite absurd. it's not as if i sat up at attention and salivated like a dog at a milkbone, i was simply bored.

nontheless, i'm sure i seemed to those innocent people to be quite a lech. at least i hope the girl had the good sense to feel flattered. but really, that tears it. i need a boyfriend, or at least some sort of sign: "please excuse the staring, she means nothing by it. she is more scared of you than you are of her. really. if she stares, just pretend to throw something and she will look away."

p.s. they probably thought kat and i were a couple. well, it doesn't hurt to do a bit of looking on the side...


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