March 13, 2004

i've been objectified! i feel empowered!

kat, amy, elissa, and i went "partying" tonight. to those of you who are not yet aware of the progression of this amazing phenomenon, i am here to enlighten you.

STEP 1: get all perty. really perty. break out the eyeliner and the booty shorts, girls, you're tryin' to ketch you a man.

STEP 2: get drunk. this is an important step in the process. since being perty necessitates kerchief-sized clothing, one needs a blanket of alcohol to keep from catching a chill out there in the cold night. also, it makes steps 10-15 seem more charming.

STEP 3: go out. wander the night with your gaggle of girlfriends, giggling and making penis jokes.

STEP 4: arrive at the party in top form. get yelled at on the way there, but ignore the street boys for the more desirable indoor boys. it's the ones in tha rooms that you can bring home to mamma.

STEP 5: be turned away from frat #1.

STEP 6: wander into frat #2. there is no booze and the boys are lame.

STEP 7: find a latcher-on named something endearing, like "t-bone" and let him follow you everywhere.

STEP 8: wander into salsa party. realize you do not know la salsa. exchange numbers with cute indie boys from michigan. leave. be enticed into an apartment party by smoking boy on the street. give him beer you got from strange mexican. enter.

STEP 9: dance your little heart out.

STEP 10: dance your little heart out with t-bone.

STEP 11: move t-bone's hands out of your shirt.

STEP 12: move t-bone's hands out of your crotch.

STEP 13: roll your eyes at t-bone's incredible gall.

STEP 14: wonder at the complete impassivity at being groped. do not feel violated, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

STEP 15: realize that bad touch on body not in any way connected to you. body is merely body. bad touch is not too disturbing, yet limits must exist. move t-bone's hands out of your shirt.

STEP 16: leave party after that milkshake song is over. file out, t-bone still in tow. trade t-bone to some other girls and run away quick. walk back towards campus.

STEP 17: meet nice boy who doesn't try to touch anyone. converse cheerily with nice boy on walk back. leave nice boy and head back to dorms. talk about how nice boy was, also about bad touch.

STEP 18: return to own dorm, own hall, own room. sleep away tomorrow.

and that, kiddies, is your 18-step plan for a rockin' friday night. also, a new and bizarre form of zen mastery. maybe i will be less timid now, especially since by step 5 i was dead sober and still free (uninhibited) enough to have fun, and i did not let that guy make me feel uncomfortable - i was unselfconscious but still in control. even though someone is obectifying you, you refuse to feel that way, to be weak. my mind was free and my body entirely my own, dammit, and, hell, a little close-dancing never hurt anyone. i'm an odd breed of feminist, i think. now hand me my lacy pink cami and ass-pants, i'm goin' clubbin'


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